Memory Gaps

It is unclear whether memory gaps or lapses are primarily genetic. According to web sources, deteriorating memory conditions such as dementia and Alzheimer’s can be linked to a gene called apolipoprotein. Individuals who inherit one or more copies of this gene are at a higher risk, but not everyone is predisposed to developing these conditions even if there is a genetic component. Lifestyle changes, including meditation, reading, diet, and exercise, are recommended to slow down the progression of memory loss. As individuals age, experiencing occasional memory lapses in terms of short-term memory is common, but in some cases, these lapses may become more frequent.

I do not remember if any of my mom’s siblings had memory issues in old age until they passed away, except for my mom. One assumption that medical professionals refute is the use of sedation in surgery that causes some memory loss. My mom had painless childbirth and had her ovaries removed in her younger years. A good friend claimed that after his knee surgery, his memory was also affected and he has become intermittently forgetful.

We suspect that aside from mom's past sedation, her memory loss became more noticeable when she moved overseas to take care of her granddaughter. She was often left at home on weekdays, so she didn't have many opportunities for prolonged social interaction to keep her mind active. To occupy herself, she took up embroidery and completed a beautiful peacock design, which she framed to exercise her psychomotor skills.

Her memory loss worsened when she moved with my sibling to a region where her local language wasn't spoken. By this time, she was well into her senior years. In her new environment, she was often alone as her grandkids went to school and my sibling was busy with farming, fishing, and church activities. There were times when she felt useless, though she never explicitly expressed this as her memory continued to decline.

Mom started repeating the same statements, testing the patience of those around her. Despite this, she remained cheerful and was able to take care of her personal hygiene independently. She also enjoyed going to church when encouraged to do so.

As mom’s memory failed, preventing her from consuming food for two days, she only uttered the Lord’s Prayer before passing on.

Now, a year after my senior year, I find myself repeating the same statements to a close friend when we eat together at a fast food joint or restaurant. It wasn't until my friend pointed it out that I realized I had become forgetful. When my friend and I went for a brief holiday in the province, I was also repetitive about him being the nephew of my colleague in church, according to my sister-in-law. I'm grateful that my friend is there to remind me of this. My short-term memory isn't as sharp as it used to be when I was younger. This repetition might be a result of my work as a teacher, where lessons often need to be reiterated for students to grasp how to apply concepts in practice. This is similar to when I deliver sermons at my church. The main reason I continue to read and write is to remember significant episodes in my life and understand how they are connected to other people I have not met or seen. To me, this is a major accomplishment.

We never know when our memory will fail, whether due to aging or a medical condition. I had a colleague at a seminary where I taught, who began showing signs of dementia in his early 50s. Initially, he was still able to function, but eventually became disoriented over minor things. I would occasionally visit his wife at home, who was the chair of our English department,  for meetings about remedial English in grammar and writing. Once, he joined us for lunch but struggled to use utensils. As time went on, his memory deteriorated, and he passed on. His wife questioned his faith in the Lord, wondering how someone with no memory could connect with God through prayer. I had no answer, except to acknowledge that our memory is not always within our control but under God’s sovereignty.

Time and again, our episodic memory may be sharp or faint, depending on our circumstances. However, even our memory loss can be seen as a gift of grace.

Jun A. Alindogan is currently Academic Writing and TESOL professor at the Asian School of Development and Cross-cultural Studies (ASDECS) and the Academic Director of the Expanded Alternative Learning System (ALS) of Empowered East, a Rizal-province-based NGO in the Philippines. He is also the founder of Speechsmart Online that specializes in test preparation courses for international English exam certifications. He is a freelance writer and a member of the Freelance Writer's Guild of the Philippines (FWGP).  His creative non fiction have been published at transitdialog.com, voxpopuliph.com, cafedissensuseveryday.com, anaksastra.com, allyourstories.com,  zine about cats at gantalapress.com, and the University of the Philippines Manila's The Reflective Journal.

Image credit: Kelly Wright via DALLE-3, Ideogram, Midjourney, Krea, and Canva.