Initiation Rites

It was meant to be a solemn religious event. I was seven years old, and my mom was by my side, wearing a veil in the church. It was my first Holy Communion, as I was receiving my education in a Catholic institution run by a religious order of nuns. The nuns had taught us the importance of confession before Holy Communion, where we had to confess our wrongdoings at the confessional and listen to the priest's advice on prayers for restitution. I didn't really understand how the host could become the literal body of Christ. I took the host dipped in wine and nearly vomited because of its bitter taste. I wanted to throw up but couldn't because I didn't want to embarrass my mom in public. I had to endure the trauma. I vividly remember throwing up after the ceremony at a tamarind shade beside the church walls to our school yard.

It was a completely different experience during my first teaching job, which took place a year after the first People Power revolution. I was assigned as the school paper adviser and also taught freshman and junior English and Theater Arts classes at a private high school in my home province. Little did I know that I would become involved in a labor dispute between the faculty and the school owner. The main issues were tenure, wages, and benefits.

I outlined the faculty's demands to the school owner on a spreadsheet that I published in the school paper, despite affirming the management's stance in the following publication. This led to a threat of a libel case against me, but I remained unfazed by the legal obstacles, as I was in my early 20s and idealistic. In fact, the school owner even went out of his way to visit me at my residence and threatened me with a lawsuit if I did not retract the contents of the faculty's demands. I stood my ground. Taking risks involves faith in the unknown.

The negotiations eventually reached a standstill, resulting in the school ceasing operations. The faculty union began picketing in front of the school gate, denying entry to anyone. I remember participating in the picket line on some days, although I never stayed overnight as my family was unaware of the situation.

After months of protest, an amicable settlement was reached, and every faculty member was reinstated and given the appropriate back pay.

During my time teaching mixed-ability English classes to Korean missionary trainees, I had the opportunity to go on a fully sponsored church-related trip to South Korea. This trip came a year after completing a month-long advanced leadership certificate program in Singapore. My experience in Singapore was smooth, as Filipinos were granted visa-free entry, which I also expected to happen on my trip to Seoul with my church companions. We all secured entry visas prior to the trip. However, we were denied entry and detained for nearly four hours despite having paper evidence of details of our contact person, including address and telephone numbers, due to the suspicion that we would all work illegally in the country and never return to our country of origin. I painstakingly refuted this accusation, but to no avail with the immigration officer. We were a dozen tourists, so the suspicion might have had some basis for the rejection. We intermittently invoked the power of the Almighty while detained until the officer finally let us go and welcomed by our patrons. It was a terrible experience that we had to put up, reinforcing the global impression that Filipinos, if given the chance to go overseas, would work illegally. This assumption is not without basis ---- tragic.

Simultaneously with teaching Koreans, I was also assigned to conduct home Bible studies in my home province where I taught high school. This was my first time conducting outreach Bible studies on my own. While I strongly believe in the mission of our church, I do not agree with a system that pressures individuals to do so without proper planning and execution. It was challenging for me, even though I was familiar with the area and some community members. Financial support was not a problem. Being alone had its benefits, but it also had some disadvantages, especially when it came to spiritual matters. After some time, I decided to leave the area and move on. I do not feel guilty or ashamed of this decision. It was the best thing to do at that time.

Sometimes, it is not necessary for every episode in life to have closure.

Initiation is not simply a one-time event, but rather the first in a series of life events that span from birth to childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. Remembering these initial experiences in old age is more than just a physiological gift. While the body may gradually deteriorate, the spirit continues to thrive and remember, even without closure.

Jun A. Alindogan is currently Academic Writing and TESOL professor at the Asian School of Development and Cross-cultural Studies (ASDECS) and the Academic Director of the Expanded Alternative Learning System (ALS) of Empowered East, a Rizal-province-based NGO in the Philippines. He is also the founder of Speechsmart Online that specializes in test preparation courses for international English exam certifications. He is a freelance writer and a member of the Freelance Writer's Guild of the Philippines (FWGP).  His creative non fiction have been published at transitdialog.com, voxpopuliph.com, cafedissensuseveryday.com, anaksastra.com, allyourstories.com,  zine about cats at gantalapress.com, and the University of the Philippines Manila's The Reflective Journal.

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